Mom did her best teaching while at home

Holidays are difficult after you’ve lost someone you love, and so it comes as no surprise that I have a certain amount of dread for this coming Sunday… my first Mother’s Day with no mother.

As I struggled with that realization this week and grasped for the best way pay tribute to Mom, my wife, Ashlee, pointed out that this is also Teacher Appreciation Week. And with just one sentence, she nudged me down the right path… like another woman I dearly loved had done so many times over the years.

Mom’s legacy in her junior high English classroom is well known, and she touched the lives of so many people who went on to become teachers. She was so proud of my brother and his wife as they found their calling in classrooms and was especially full of excitement and encouragement as Ashlee began her own journey towards becoming a certified teacher and launched her pursuit of an Education degree.

She never tired of teaching, whether it was at school, in Scouts, with a civic group, or just by lending her proofing and grammatical skills to a former student who found themselves overwhelmed a bit by that first big high school report or college term paper.

But what she is not famous for are the daily lessons in life that she imparted to her sons. She was the “Teacher of the Year” on more than one occasion, but to Russell and me, she was the “Teacher of a Lifetime,” imparting wisdom that transcended the diagramming of a sentence or the conjugating of a verb. These lessons do not gather dust in a basement box of teaching material but live and breathe with us every day and hopefully will continue to live in her grandchildren.

So pay attention, class. Get out your yellow paper and red pens, and let’s review a few things.

“You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” Whether you’re just wanting some Rice Krispie snacks or you’re trying to persuade someone to your way of seeing things, a kind word and some gentle diplomacy almost always work. Get to know someone, become their friend, and they will be more likely to help you when you ask a favor.

“Always be prepared.” This wasn’t just a Boy Scout motto at our house; it was a way of life. From plenty of food in the pantry or freezer to having extra rolls of toilet paper stashed in the bathroom, we were ready for just about anything. First Aid materials and medicines were always available, flashlights were at the ready, and there were almost always snacks in the car. A rain slicker or chemical hand warmer packet was there if it was needed, and there was bottled water in the basement. But it wasn’t just disaster that she was prepared to face. She kept new games and toys stashed away for times when young nieces and nephews – and in later years, grandkids – would come to family functions at the house and need some distraction to stay out of the adults’ hair. And if a relative or family friend showed up unexpected for Christmas, somehow she had something under the tree for them.

“Salt makes food better.” To heck with these Health Nazis, my Mom knew this truth about food preparation – you’ve got to add some seasoning, and salt is the best way to bring out the flavor. You better taste it before you salt it at Helen’s table because you could be darn sure she had already put it in there.

“That will be stinking by morning.” In other words, get up from in front of the TV and carry out the trash, Son. You sure don’t want the packaging from tonight’s chicken or whatever that was that we just cleaned out of the fridge to ripen while we’re asleep.

“Quit piddling around.” Procrastination never got anything done, and she especially had no tolerance for it if she had asked you to do something.

“Be sure you get a good date.” This had nothing to do with girls. No, this was more serious – it was about grocery shopping.

“You’ve got to eat the last bit of cheese.” This is the secret to homemade macaroni and cheese. Now I know plenty of mothers do it straight out of a box, but you’ve got to make it yourself to have something really special. It takes just the right amount of salt (see above), the right amount of boiling water, just enough milk and black pepper, and, of course, Velveeta cheese. The last cube (or two) has to be eaten by whoever is cooking it (or whoever is helping). It’s a tradition my family still lives by.

“When I was a little girl….” This was the start of a lot of stories, particularly one about cabbages that I won’t bother you with. But regardless, it was something important that you were about to learn regarding family history or the way things used to be. She said that line so often that my Dad on a few occasions would start off by saying, “Now, son, when I was a little girl….”

“You’ve just got to have faith.” Probably the best advice for life that she ever gave me. When things looked bad or just were going in the wrong direction, she would tell me to have faith that things would be alright. God is always with you, and more often than not she had found in her life that things generally worked out for the best. Nine months ago in the ICU, this was an increasingly hard one to remember, much less live by. Now as I wonder what path to choose from day to day and especially how to raise our only Estlack girl, I can still hear her whispering, “Have faith, Son. It will be alright.”

As usual, I suspect my Mom will be right about that. I believe all of us in the family will be alright because we carry her with us and because she taught us the most valuable lessons of all.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.