For the first time in my life, I may actually be the person I’ve always wanted to be, even if becoming this person snuck up on me. Now, I’m not talking about my body, with all its wrinkles, saggy skin, droopy butt, etc. I’m still often shocked to see that older person who lives in my mirror. You see, I’m now officially “the elderly” according to the United Nations and the US Government.
I’m actually shocked that I’m considered elderly. I sure don’t consider myself to be all that old. However, I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, and my loving family for more hair and a flatter belly. As I’ve aged I’ve become kinder to myself and less critical of others. Perhaps most importantly, I’ve become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating an extra cookie or two, or for not making my bed, and keeping my home spotless. You see, I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have witnessed too many dear friends leave this world much too soon before they understood the wonderful freedom that comes with aging.
Who cares if I choose to read or play computer games until 4 am, then sleep until noon or so? I still love to dance to those outstanding 60s tunes whenever I choose. Whose business is it if I weep over a lost love?
I like being older. It has set me free. I like the person that I’ve become. Even though I’m not going to live forever, as I recently proved, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been while I’m alive.
Hints that we are aging start subtly, you first notice it first when others address you. Gone is the, “Hey kid,” replaced by “Yes, sir.” In the grocery cart the staples like bread, milk, and eggs are replaced by vitamin and fiber supplements, along with heating pads and assorted balms. No longer is that jump shot or 300 yard drive a sure thing. Your reflexes slow, your senses aren’t as keen, and hospital food starts to taste good.
Irony now accompanies sex, where women no longer need to take the pill, yet men rush to their doctor to take a different type of little blue pill.
Resistance to aging is futile. Nothing, except an early death, can keep it away. Luckily, with aging comes wisdom, patience, and years of experience bucking the system. So, whether you acquiesce willingly to the waves of time rolling towards you, or fight back with an army of plastic surgeons, personal trainers, and spandex (which does not look as good on older folks); following are a few signs that age is creeping up on you.
1. Your doctors are all younger than you.
2. You spend more time and money in the pharmacy than the grocery store.
3. You’re less interested in your abs and more concerned in your prostate.
4. Men begin urinating in Morse code – dot. dot. dash.
5. A good night’s sleep is just as important as good loving.
6. Your progressive state of inaction is mistaken for Zen-like wisdom.
7. Women are no longer referred to as “foxes” but as “cougars.”
8. Making new friends is a low priority unless s/he is a medical provider.
9. Coins that fall out of your pocket aren’t worth picking up.
10. You dump the Jet-Ski and motorcycle magazines and subscribe to mobility scooter magazines.
11. You spend less time with Excel and more time on Sudoku.
12. Country and Western music becomes appealing.
13. Elastic waist bands and thick rubber soles become important parts of your wardrobe.
14. You become a target for life insurance agents, Nigerian scam artists, and salespeople for retirement communities.
15. A rocking chair is not quaint; it’s comfortable.
16. You need a running start to get out of La-Z-Boy recliner chair.
17. You write notes to yourself – frequently.
As I’ve grown older I’ve taken an interest in reading epitaphs on tombstones throughout the world. I hope to “borrow” one or two to use on my headstone – if I decide to be buried rather than cremated.
On a tombstone somewhere in Texas: “Jesus called and Kim answered.” Along with the epitaph was a likeness of a grandmother with her ear to a portable phone, taking the call.
“Ann Mann: Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid But died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767”
“Anna Wallace: The children of Israel wanted bread. And the Lord sent them manna. Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.”
“Here lies Johnny Yeast, Pardon me for not rising.”
“Here lies the body of Jonathon Blake: Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.”
“Here lays Butch. We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger, But slow on the draw.”
“Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes who died January 3, 1803. His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife, and yearns to be comforted.”
“Sir John Strange: Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange.”
Here lies Lester Moore. Four slugs from a .44. No Les No More.”
“I told you I was sick.”
And finally: “Here lies an Atheist All dressed up And no place to go”
I’m inclined to agree with Doris Day when she said, “The really frightening thing about middle age is knowing you’ll grow out of it.”
Remember that a life well-lived is dying young as late as possible. So, let’s all make a special effort to enjoy the rest of the time we have on this magnificent planet.
Fred…….You are very wise. Getting older, if you are willing, offers a new perspective on this wonderful world. The Lord provides us with an earned patience and clarity of thought. Age, though sometimes confounding, offers many gifts.
I have recently been writing my memoirs to my son. He requested that I share my remembrances, which I have done. The prompt to look back has kindled a new a respect for myself. My remembrances have underscored my forgotten experiences.
Getting old can be a treasure trove. It is not a curse, but an opportunity to use life experiences to share with family and friends. To see the good, the bad and the ugly that was your life is cathartic.
Grow old my friend and enjoy.
Raymond Layland
Clarendon, Texas