One of the things that I love about the Christmas season is reading the letters our children send to Santa Claus, beseeching him to bring them some of the things of their hearts’ desires. They profess that they’ve been good, perhaps even innocently embellishing some of their good behaviors. Their letters are true gems of our community and should be forever cherished.
In the spirit of their letters, I, too, have decided that I need to send Santa a letter and implore him to bring me a few of the things that I long for. Like the children, I have been a good boy – mostly. I must confess that I enjoy kicking up a little dust on occasion and may have inadvertently created some minor mischief – mostly among Republicans and tea party types. All in all, I feel my behavior has been good enough to warrant writing a letter to Santa, asking for my heart’s desires (which will, at the very least, assuaging some issues that create angst in my spirit).
Dear Santa:
This Christmas I would like the following items or reasonable substitutes if they aren’t made in China:
1. New water pipes. Santa, in the best of times my water is a light brown, like weak tea. In the worst of times (which happens all too frequently) icky particulate matter and small boulders come cascading out of my faucets. I don’t think this is healthy for people to drink and bath in. Besides it leaves a ring around our bottoms, instead of the bottoms of the tubs. It’s embarrassing when house guests run a tub full of water for a nice, soaking hot bath, and their bath water looks like it came straight out of the lake – which is unfair to the lake water because it is mostly pristine, spring fed, and clear.
2. A new GOP. The one we have now has grown to represent “Grumpy Old People.” I want the Republican Party of Lincoln, TR, Dwight David, and Ronnie – maybe with a little Dubya thrown in for seasoning. Good grief, the Republicans have became deaf, churlish, and mean spirited, as illustrated by their spokesmen, El Rushbo (large in body, small in mind), Hannity (may have inhaled too many paint fumes in his previous career), O’Reilly (the “Oh really” factor?), and Grover (the lesser). In the past, the Republican Party was the party of giants. Now, it’s mostly the party of intellectual gnats – people who whore themselves out to greedy hucksters like Grover Norquest, and others who clearly choose to push ideology over leadership and statesmanship.
3. A new U.S. Congress. The one we have is broken. Actually, it’s worse than broken; it’s dysfunctional – which is dangerous to Americans and the American way of life. Gone is doing what is right for the country. Not gone is doing what is right for whomever is paying the most. Wanna guess who that is? Try Wall Street, big defense contractors, greedy magnates, big oil, and General Electric types – American companies who don’t pay any taxes whatsoever, and spend American dollars in other countries, buying cheap foreign labor. Our Congress is inept, unethical, and pathetic.
4. A new city council. We have four aldermen remaining since Terry Noble up and moved out of town – for love, of all things, and a bright future with his new bride. Good for him, and I wish him and his new bride the very best. Thankfully Will Thompson remains on the council, and is one of the true gentlemen in our town, and bright to boot. Maybe the new city alderman could have some of Will’s characteristics: things like intelligence, courtesy, and emotional stability. We desperately need another good alderman – or two or three.
5. A new governor of Texas. Here we have the grandest of all states, and it’s headed-up by one of the densest and most dumbfounding men I’ve ever known. Governor Rick is big, strapping, handsome in a manly way, and would make a mighty fine figurehead ornament for the ship of state. Unfortunately, we don’t have a ship and what you see is pretty much all you get. Bless his heart, he must have been standing behind the door when the Creator was passing out brains. I cringe every time he sneezes, fearing that his head will surely implode. A new governor along the lines of Sam Houston, Ann Richards, or even another Dubya would be just fine.
6. A decent Republican Party presidential candidate. I realize that the president has not yet held his inauguration, but it may take awhile to find someone other than Governor Christy. Why is it so difficult to find a decent candidate? Because in order to win the election one has to survive the Republican primaries, which means a walk on the wild and crazy right side of the Party. Then, after being certified as a right-wing wacko (required to survive the various state primaries), the aforementioned candidate must then immediately tack to the center if s/he hopes to win the national election. This is nigh impossible to do. The Republican far right must lose influence if the Party is to survive as a relevant political force in the future.
Thank you, Santa. I hope you will bring me one or all of the items on my list. If for some reason you are unable to bring me what I’ve ask for, please bring me a four year supply of fine American whiskey; something like Wild Turkey or Jack Daniels Black. It could help me to keep a healthy attitude while the country goes to hell in a hand basket.
I love you, Santa.
Freddy Gray,
Clarendon, Texas
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